The Many Faces of Grief

If you have just lost a child or have been dealing with a loss for some time, there is one fact that we can tell you, the pain never goes away. The grief just changes and no one person grieves the same. As parents that have gone through a loss of a child, we thought we would put together a list of some of the phases of grief that you might come across during your very tough journey ahead.

Devastation
Many times during the first few weeks of your loss this is the most prominent emotion. This is the feeling that you can not go on and you can not even move. You can’t even accomplish the simplest task. You will move past this stage of grief, it will take time and support, but you will find strength through your child’s spirit and through people that care about you.

Shock
“Maybe I will wake up and everything will be back to normal” I can’t tell you how many times I told myself this. You feel like you are in a fog, you are just doing things mechanically, not really feeling anything but sadness. This emotion usually takes place while you are making funeral plans and there are constantly people around.

Physical Pain
This is an aspect that many people look over. I remember after my child passed away, my arms ached. I missed holding her. Sometimes you have stomach problems, headaches, etc. This is part of grief and you must recognize it as part of your grieving process.

Guilt
I think every angel parent that I have talked to at some time has felt guilt. To someone who is not grieving the reasons angel parent’s give for guilt seem so crazy, but it is normal for us to somehow find a reason that it is our fault. Why? Because we are parents, we think that we are the one’s that are supposed to protect our children, but there are some things that we just can’t protect them from.

Anger
Why did this happen to my child? Why me? There are so many bad parents, but I am a good parent, why my child? These are questions that every one of us asks. We may never know the answers to these questions. We will need to find peace in knowing that one day we will know why. I believe in heaven and that we will see our children again.

Depression
Depression comes in so many forms. It is important to be open with your spouse, family, or friends anyone that you feel close to. It is normal to be sad and “depressed”, but if you feel that the depression is becoming overwhelming and your are in danger of becoming lost in your depression you NEED to get some help. There are many different ways to get help you can seek help through:
• Support Groups
You can go to our forum and ask for help http://p071.ezboard.com/bangelwingparents or email us at faithsangelwings@yahoo.com . Also, there are some great groups that meet at various locations like Compassionate Friends & MISS Foundation.
• Therapists
Many therapists are covered now by medical insurances. So check with your insurance first and see who is covered. Here is a link that has a list of therapist http://therapist.psychologytoday.com/nmha/prof_search.php .
• Church
If you have a church that you attend many times you can find someone that you can trust to talk to there.

If you feel you can’t go on and might hurt someone or yourself please contact 911 or one of these hotlines http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ , http://suicidehotlines.com/ , http://www.hopeline.com/ .

Peace
Eventually we will find peace in our grief. Yes, we will still have pain and we will still miss our child, but we know that our children would want us to live again. We find peace in our child’s spirit and knowing that although their bodies are not here they are in our hearts forever. This does not mean we don’t miss them it means that we are driven to keep their memory alive.

Peace is what Angel Wing Parents is all about. Our children brought us so much joy and love; even the ones that we never got to meet face to face. Life will never be the same again and we will have to learn to live with our grief. Here we try to support each other through those tough days and in doing so keeping the memory of our children alive.